Nikoli! Nikoli! NIKOLI GOD DAMN IT! Have you managed to get a hold of Boris!? No? Well keep trying damn it, the Doomsday plan must not deviate from schedule…….not again in any case……..

Oh, well greetings……I’m so glad I managed to catch you all with your pants around your ankles! Yes, indeed I know of this ankle pants predicament you are currently engaged in and if this is not the case I for see some form of disrobement in your immediate future, after all, Doomsday is almost upon us! Indeed it is that time again when the masses seek some form of comfort from an ethereal being whom in most cases really couldn’t care less about the ant hill of humanity and when the incoherent screeches of preachers shall be head in the streets……….That’s right Doomsday!

I apologise unreservedly that my pre-Doomsday address has been withheld until such a late stage in the cycle of Armageddon but as the saying goes, a sparrow can most assuredly not tickle a centipede without contracting syphilis……..or something such as that…….is that even a saying?………..

Ah you finally have him on the line Nikoli! Good! About time you incompetent biped! Boris! Boris can you hear me!? What are you calling me off, a damn Motorolla Razor!? Good god man, our plan is in it’s most intricate phase and you deemed it necessary to use a Motorolla! Oh……..Yes, I see……Well of course I don’t expect you to find anything better in Siberia, I’m surprised that it’s managed to withstand the miserable weather…..Yes I see, good, you have the documents…….HUZZAH! Success at last! Good, yes, now you must place the Staff of Ramses horizontally across the………..WHAT!? No not horizontally across the Sacred Capstone of Time, across the Doomsday Device! Good help is so hard to find……..

Oh what? You lot are still here……..I would assumed you would all be busily cramming some last minute partying in prior to what must be your imminent destruction……….Well in that case, be sure to keep an eye on this space for even more Doomsday Watch news, all through tomorrow we shall be updating you as to the progress of the "Judgement Day" / "End of the World" / "Apocalypse" / "Armageddon" as it sweeps the globe……….

SEE YOU ALL IN HELL!

Fin.