I’m watching you……yes you……that’s right, you look over your shoulder, you should be concerned…..how can I possibly know what you are doing at this exact moment in time? Well, myself and Count Chocular the stuffed rabbit find it disgusting…….you dirty, dirty monkey you……..yes that’s right! We know your secret! How, you may ask? Well, take a closer look at the crocodile alarm clock that you got from your aunt/uncle/grandparent/parent/sibling………yes, that’s how!

Would you like to know a secret? No? Yes? Well maybe I don’t want to tell you now! Why would you want to pressure me like that!? What!? Boris, I told you to knock you great oaf! Of course I am naked, why else would the sign read “knock before entering”!? Well you may as well make yourself useful, make sure the video of a dyslexic parrot continues to stream whilst I check on my soup! No you may not watch it!

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Is Boris…….That’s right small insignificant bug, quivering like frightened rabbit in Serbian farmhouse as farmer sharpens machete in preparations to making stew………You having very pretty hair………One day I would like to visit you and brush hair forcefully like plains pony tail………..And then you shall perform full stage production of legendary Alfred Hitchcock thriller Psycho in period costume……..You shall being woman if man and man if woman……..And if performance is not completed in fluent and unaccented Russian then there will be problem……..Problem like rug falling out of gunrunner truck into the freezing waters of Siberian river problem…………